Headlines

Headlines

by AE Reiff

WONK YAP DOWNFALLS HOMO SAP!

People on Waterways Know It!

They take Women Underground!

HOME CENTERs WONKUFACT BEASTS!

When you read about it in the bleats they ask, “when?”

From this came the new show, Ask the Atavist!

NEIGHBORS DENY MONSTERS WITH GILLS and HORNY HEADS STEAL CHILDREN ALONG CANALS!

But that explains the acid burns on arms.

Citizens, go down to the canal!

Defend your homes! the hipsters wrote,

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE

ONE OF THE WONK YAP PEOPLE?

Lied to in combat, “well it’s just a bruise,” when a long rifle exits below,

shot in the neck with the stolen child beside, acid glands moldering,

their generals send innocents to sure demise!

OR ARE THEY MEN?

Or is it a psykist dream:

SEA MAN IN US IS US!

Slime on banks, troughs where web feet climbed, people ignore the signs!

Do not argue that the Yap rumor is undesigned.

URGENT! BREAK THROUGH TO MASS MIND!

Is that confessing? Shall we go around naming! You’re a Yap, you Yap! It would be hard to be wrong. Somebody’s one!

Many urge we give them license plates.

This one and this, this one and this! .

Alas that I was born for such a time.

I’M NOT SAYING

GIVE BEAST A CHANCE

I’m saying take back the Yap.

Yap math teaches unequal parts whole.

Yap lit teaches more.

To the Yap promise don’t you just bawl?

That’s on a cereal pack.

HIM OR US?

BOSS OR BROTHER?

Somebody’s one, but how can you know? 

We probed the beast’s poety, but the Yap is skillful in disguise. It talks like a Democrat.  It talks like a plebiscite. Yap Wap is Feeling. It don’t just go to school.

IT SWAM THE ATLANTIC FOR KRILL!

It lives under library buildings, Teddy fluff, where they teach their young to be like us!

There are not many choices.

YAP BEAST OR ME!

BLOOD POUNDS FISH GROGGY with PLUME!

WHERE HAS IT GONE?

Darkly unfolds the Yap Plan! A mastermind! It thinks its perfect. Why else would it want your wife? Why does it want to live in your yard? Veni vidi vinci, it says, man, “me man, me.”

Some guy wrote in from Billings to ask: “YO SHRUNK HEAD MONKEY!My daddy brought back one from South Carolina, all nasty, wrapped in Spanish moss.”

Yep, that’s a problem!

There’s an ENTIRE COW BURIED UNDER some SKULLs IN the GARDEN!

To go out and prove it, shoot a pencil down, soft like peanut butter to the top.  Bones are that elusive. Something will turn up.

Yo, Burrow Snake! What answers you got?

SAP CREEPS DOWN YAP!

DRIVE HIM OUT like TOLSTOY, MANSTERs!

Think Yap meet. THINK YAP? Holly! That wacks my site. You seen it? Cunning, Sly, Self serving. Sound like anyone you know?

GrammarWack Yak Journalists! 

Yak teachers!

Civilization Overcome by Yak!

CHILD CLUTCHED BY YAP!

Yo Homogene!

YAP, YAP, YAP!

And NO TO all THE ABOVE.

YAK Meters will REGULATE AIR!

The YAK METER RUNNING!

If they will not wack, let them not breathe!

Yak wokery!

Woeful popery! 

Their Wookeries are teeming yet not fully grown.

Cabalists rush out to the Denver Airport to liberate.

Will you?

If so they have won. 

COMPUTER GOVERNMENTS THEORIZE HYBRID FORMS!

The thing looks like a thing,

But not the thing we think!

LONGSOCK WONG YAP BEGETS BOBBLEY!

BOGARY,

FACQI,

LOPI ROTISSERIE

WACQUIRY!

GIBBOUS MOON!

Do you approve Yaps umpiring the Major Leagues? If it looks and talks and acts like a Yap, how do you know it ain’t?

 

 

 

AE Reiff detects fictional starchitectures in his Severed Head and Ishtar Hotel, but otherwise makes myth of the OOks, Orcs and Wonk Yaps of Pop, indexed  at Encouragements For Planting.